For You...

The blank screen gapes, it almost feels like a voyeur, staring and judging while I try desperately to type the right words and as usual fail. The alphabets look like nothing more than signifiers, signs impregnated with thoughts and feeling, while I seek to represent the raw gnashes itself. But I am condemned to write, it is the only way I know of defining this existence and getting rid of the hurt. I am damned. It is fate that I repeat the same mistakes. What am I hoping for as I shout these futile words into the cyber jungle? It is in vain that I cry. I am claiming recognition when I have no right.
I am reminded of some old songs I wrote of love. This feels nothing like it. Do I love you? I wish I knew. Words escape me and time fleets away. But I hang on to hope. I deceive myself as I frantically search your face for a sign of tenderness. I misinterpret all you say. I almost believe that I know you…
I despise you for what you have reduced me to. I blame you for not knowing but it doesn’t matter, nothing does, for I know you don’t care. And so I remain silent. I watch and I don’t speak. It is to escape the sneer I know you’d give me when I say that I deserved it, I deserve your love and more…. I loathe you. I’m addicted to you.