For You...

The blank screen gapes, it almost feels like a voyeur, staring and judging while I try desperately to type the right words and as usual fail. The alphabets look like nothing more than signifiers, signs impregnated with thoughts and feeling, while I seek to represent the raw gnashes itself. But I am condemned to write, it is the only way I know of defining this existence and getting rid of the hurt. I am damned. It is fate that I repeat the same mistakes. What am I hoping for as I shout these futile words into the cyber jungle? It is in vain that I cry. I am claiming recognition when I have no right.
I am reminded of some old songs I wrote of love. This feels nothing like it. Do I love you? I wish I knew. Words escape me and time fleets away. But I hang on to hope. I deceive myself as I frantically search your face for a sign of tenderness. I misinterpret all you say. I almost believe that I know you…
I despise you for what you have reduced me to. I blame you for not knowing but it doesn’t matter, nothing does, for I know you don’t care. And so I remain silent. I watch and I don’t speak. It is to escape the sneer I know you’d give me when I say that I deserved it, I deserve your love and more…. I loathe you. I’m addicted to you.

On times like this I feel alone,
Standing on an empty street,
Walking with shadows
Eyes seeing, gaping, judging,
But seldom understanding,
And the hand that reaches out,
Feels just like skin
And nothing more.
Some friend tries to save me,
Protect me from me,
But I feel it coming again,
This time it’s on a roll,
Something chokes from within
The feeling is overwhelming.
You felt like home to me,
But I no longer care
And I ain’t blaming,
I guess you didn’t know,
So many times you hurt me,
Still I didn’t show.
But here by the sea
Everything’s washed away,
Except this emptiness,
And the cold cold tears.
I’m leaving the city,
The people, the lights and all.
Sight has lost meaning
And sanity sense
Spirit calls, the wild beckons
I’m tired of existing,
Just smiling lies
The strings strum
While I drown in song,
Everything’s reduced
To an overpowering surge
It brings the traveler home.
And even though I fall,
The waves catch me
It offers a salty kiss.
My memories are gone,
The nights of sleeping alone.
And as the last bubble fades,
Sleep, peace, darkness follows...
I wake up with a gasp.